Mental illness and motherhood

I know I haven’t posted in a long time, life has been extremely rough for me to where I lost hope in everything I enjoyed doing. Well Two years ago I was diagnosed with BPD, ANXIETY, and DEPRESSION…. Being a single mother in the unemployment system looking for a buck, having to depend on relatives to help me out has been hard for me just because I’m use to handling everything on my own.

Also two years ago they discovered a small mass on my lungs and I have been diagnosed with shortness of breath which makes it difficult for a everyday life for me just because I get winded very fast, talking, walking… Hell even laying down is exhausting. Tell me how am I suppose to be active with my children ( to those just catching on with my posts I have three children) 3 beautiful energetic kids. I stop doing activities with them because depression got me held down so tight I can’t move, I can’t sleep..or I’m over sleeping, can’t eat or over eating, I’m angry , sad , mad 😱😣 just all over the place.

Ok so couple months back my oldest child, he’s 7… Been having a lot of behavioral issues at school to where he’s in the office everyday because of his mood swings and hand problem. He always been a little over emotional to me and in pre k their was a lot of red flags of something not being right with my child. As parents that’s something we don’t ever want to worry about rather or not our child, our creation, something we birth go threw mental challenges.

I’m trying to understand him, because I know it’s hard for him. Especially when you got voices in your head telling you to do mean or bad things smh 😩😢 I never thought I would hear my child, my 7 yr old child cry to me and tell me he needs help, it’s something wrong with his brain. I tell him ” baby theirs nothing wrong with you, your just unique and one day you will understand. Trying to cope with my mental and physical health and now having to learn to cope and make changes with my child because of his mental illness is difficult. 

The journey just begun, and I know it’s not going to be easy..,that’s why we start therapy next week so I…so we can get a bother understanding. I want him to know that unlike the guardian I had raising me, even my mother… I will always listen to him, I will try my best to understand him, I don’t ever want him to feel like he’s in it alone because he’s not. 

So what do you do when you and now your child is living in a difficult world with a disease that majority of people don’t undrstand? I’ll tell you what I do…. I just take each day at a time as it comes and I got my son hand every step of the way.

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